Friday, November 30, 2012

Re-Introduction Plans


Sixty days of being on the Whole30!

I cannot say the first thirty days were wholly compliant (soy in your tea, anyone?) but these last 30 days certainly have been! I am so thrilled. I am excited that I did it!

The Whoo hoo!

The plan, now, is to reintroduce food to see how I react. And that is all.

Day 1: Dairy. I've decided on cottage cheese; full fat, sugar free yogurt; and cheddar cheese. (Also full fat.)

Days 2, and 3; Whole 30 compliant

Day 4: Gluten grains. Roger's Porridge Oats for breakfast, (Technically, oatmeal is supposed to be gluten free, but it is often cross contaminated with wheat during processing. As well, this oatmeal is mixed with wheat bran, oat bran, and flaxseed. I used to just love it.) Pancakes and sausage for lunch. Whole wheat pasta at supper.

Days 5, and 6; Whole 30 compliant
Day 7: Non gluten Grains. Rice and corn, and possibly buckwheat. I'll likely just have them as sides to my regular meals. 
Days 8, and 9; Whole 30 compliant
Day 10: Legumes. A few black beans in my morning omelette, some hummus and veggies for lunch, and maybe a bowl of lentil soup for supper.
Days 11 through to the 18th of December (when my husband comes off his whole30) I plan to be whole30 compliant.
I am very nervous about this.
Note there's no reintroduction of sugar here. Though, honestly, if all goes well, I just might take Day 11 and reintroduce some dark, dark chocolate (>70%).
Fingers crossed.

Day 60, final log

Nov 29, Day 60

2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 and Omega3, and EPA:  800mg, DHA: 400mg


Went to bed at 8:30pm, lights out at 9:30pm. Up at 6:30am, though I woke up at 6am when my husband got up. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I credit the Vitamin D3 I’ve been taking right when I wake up. It has really helped me get up with some pep.  I feel a cold coming on, though.

Total: 8 ½  h


Breakfast:  7:45am

Leftover roasted Squash, steamed spinach (from frozen) and ½ can of sardines. The dog got to my plate and ate some of my little fishies, so I had a fewmore from the can. I have no idea how much I’ve actually eaten. D@mn dog.

Lunch:  12:45 pm

Chili from ISWF w/spinach, ½ avocado and black olives.

Supper:  5:30 pm

Pork chops, 1/8 squash w/ghee, boiled carrots and green beans  mashed cauliflower.


This being the last day of my “official” Whole30, I wanted it to be perfect. I did a ½ hour, 2 mile “walk” with my Leslie Sansone video. I also set some goals for next month and planned my reintroduction. Wasn’t  “perfect”  though—the house still needs some work!


So pleased and proud of myself.  I am so happy I heard about this whole30thing and before I could even think about saying no, I’d bought the book (which sold me on the program) and planned my meals and started. Bam. All within four days. So far, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I can’t believe I’ve kept up the exercise, too, even after my back injury on Nov 10th. I am just so happy.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Days 58, 59 Food Log

Nov 27, Day 58

(Hubby on Day 9)

2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 and Omega3,  EPA:  800mg, DHA: 400mg


Lights out at 10pm.  Got up at 6am when my husband did. I was hot and sweating  (barely) and thought I would even though it isn’t what we usually do.


Breakfast: 7:30am

Leftovers:  Pan fried pork w/apples and onions, mashed celeriac (1), steamed broccoli, and roasted spaghetti squash.

Lunch: 11:30 am

Leftover beef stew and mashed cauliflower

Supper:   5:30pm

Chicken breast, roasted sweet potato, asparagus and mashed cauliflower.


Nov 28, Day 59

(Husband on Day 10)

2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 and Omega3, and EPA:  800mg, DHA: 400mg


In bed at 8:30, lights out by 9pm, I think. Up at 6:00am.

Total: 9h


Breakfast: 6:30am

Standard 2 egg frittata w/zucchini, mushrooms and onion. Left over roasted sweet potatoes.


Lunch: 11:30am

Cucumbers, red peppers, rutabaga, and mushrooms. Spinach, fried chicken and avocado salad w/ olive oil vinegrette. (No picture)

Supper: 5pm

1 large roasted chicken thigh, ¼  acorn squash, green beans, sweet potato fries.



I spent the day on a field trip with my son and his Grade Nine class.




Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Days 54 to 57, Food Log

Nov 23, Day 54

(Husband on Day 5)

Photographic record only
Breakfast: 9:00am
Squash and a veggie laden frittatta.

Lunch: Cashews, mandarin orange, dried dates. (Went to a movie matinee with the husband)
(no photo)
Supper: 6:00pm
Roasted Chicken thigh, sauteed potabella mushrooms and zucchini, mashed cauliflower and butternut squash.


Nov 24 Day 55

(Husband on Day 6)

Took 1,000 IU of Vitamin D3 first thing in the morning. I also took some Omega3,  EPA:  800mg, DHA: 400mg

Photographic record only
Brunch: 11:44 am
"Deconstructed Pizza" from It Starts with Food By Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.
Supper: 6:00 pm
Pork w/squash, steamed spinach.

Nov 25, Day 56

(Hubby on Day 7—go Hubby!)


Too much! Lights out around 11:00pm. Up at 9:00am. I really did not want to get out of bed and face my messy house. Hips hurt.

Took 2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 and Omega3, EPA: 800mg, DHA: 400mg


Breakfast  ? probably 11:00am
Slice of butternut squash and ½ of 3 egg frittata made with peppers,  kielbasa, and mushrooms fried in olive oil.

Snack around 3:00pm
½ homemade sausage patty(1) made for hubby to take to work this week.

Supper 7:15pm
Broiled Basa fillets, squash, broccoli, roasted sweet potato fries.


1 mile Leslie Sansone video, energetic vacuuming.


Good. Looking forward to being alone again during the day when my husband goes back to work. I have a lot of Christmas related projects I need to get started on.



Nov 26, Day 57

Photographic record only
2,000 IU of Vitamin D3 and Omega3, and EPA:  800mg, DHA: 400mg
(Husband on Day 8)
Brunch: 11:00am
Blueberries in Cocout milk, (vile), 1/2 of 3 egg frittatta made with lots of veggies
Snack: 4:00pm
Cahews, raisins, mandarin orange.
Supper: 7:00pm
Beef Stew (1), spaghetti squash.
(I skipped the winter greens and didn't add the starch. I also seared the meat before adding it to the crock pot.)

Almost at that point where it will be Ok to get on the scale and take measurements and do pictures, etc. Looking forward to it.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Crunching Numbers

Let's suppose my weight is 240 pounds.

I honestly have no idea what I currently weigh. The whole30 discourages getting on the scale. During my first 30 days, I ignored the advice and hopped on nearly every day: I was losing about a pound every 36 to 48 hours. It was addictive to watch! But then it became all about the numbers, and then I got sick. So, this time, no scale, though I'd love to know.

Using this calculator based on the Mifflin-St Jeor formula, my basal metabolic rate for my age (48) and my height (5'5") is 1722 calories/day.
Add in exercise 3 days a week and maintenance is: 2367 calories.
To lose fat: 1920 calories per day.
That's a net difference of 447 calories.

Let's assume my goal weight is exactly 100 pounds less: 140.
Keeping age (and height) the same, my basal metabolic rate is: 1267 calories/day.
Exercisin 3 days a week, maintenance is: 1742 calories/day.

Right. So the idea that I should eat (and exercise for my future body, not my current one, so I don't have to make "big adjustments" when I acheive my goal weight is not going to work. I don't see how I can eat 1800 calories a day and exercise 3x a week right now based on these calculations without extreme fatique. What I need is a plan that gradually decreases my caloric intake based on my weight until I get to 1742 calories a day (or thereabouts).

(Maintenance is based on exercising 3 days/week. Notice no one is discussing the type of exercise. Building muscle mass (ie doing anaerobic exercise like weight lifting) will result in a higher number of calories required by the body than aerobic exercise, like --so this is really all just guesswork.) Note too the BMI calculations do not differentite between lean muscle mass and fat. In other words, it is quite possible to be very lean, highly muscular and have a high weight, and thus a high BMI. I can easily see how BMI may thus be useless for men, but just how askew would it be for the average weight lifting woman?)

So, lets try 230: (BMI 38 obese)
Base: 1676
Maintenance: 2305
Fat loss: 1844

220: (BMI 37)
Base: 1631
Maintenance: 2242
Fat loss: 1794

210: (BMI 35)
Base: 1585
Maintenance: 2180
Fat loss: 1744

This is interesting. From here on in, I am supposed to consume fewer calories than I would at my goal weight.

Question: What happens if you do eat less than the calories you need at goal weight and then you reach that goal weight: do you add calories back into your diet until you are at the "maintenance level?" What happens when you do that? I would think your body would start regaining since you have taught it to be so thrifty.

Is this a plateau waiting to happen?

200: (BMI 33)
Base: 1540
Maintenance: 2117
Fat loss: 1694

190: (BMI 32)
Base: 1495
Maintenance: 2055
Fat loss: 1644

180: (BMI 30)
Base: 1449
Maintenance: 1992
Fat loss: 1594

170: (BMI 28. No longer obese, merely overweight.)
Base: 1404
Maintenance: 1930
Fat loss: 1544

160: (BMI 27)
Base: 1358
Maintenance: 1867
Fat loss: 1494

150: (BMI 25)
Base: 1313
Maintenance: 1805
Fat loss: 1444

Using this calculator I just calculated my "ideal" weight based on a large frame:
134-138 pounds.

138: (BMI 23 "desireable")
base: 1258
maintenance: 1730

134: (BMI 22 "desireable")
base: 1240
Maintenance: 1705

Every ten pounds lost means I should decrease the amount I eat by 50 calories per day.

BMI is ridiculous. I should use the body-fat calculator instead, even though I don't have calipers.

I'm not sure where this leaves me or what the whole30 template looks like at each of the calories levels. It would be easy enough to find out, I suppose. One of the beauties of the hole30 is, of course, that it frees you from calorie counting and portion control--no more measuring cups and spoons!

So, I don't think I'll use this information until I have to--that is, until I don't lose weight for a month or more. Only 4 more days to weigh-in! (Nov 29)

Friday, November 23, 2012

Nov 22, Day 53

(Husband on Day 4)


Lights out last night at 9:45. Woke up once when my usband came to bed around 11:30. Up at 7:15. I felt really tired this morning.

Total Sleep:  9.5 h


Breakfast: 8:00am

Fish fillets poached in court bouillon (1). Squash w/ghee and roasted beet and onion salad.

Fullness after eating: 8

Lunch: 2:00pm

½ 3 egg frittata made with (complient) Kielbasa sausage, peppers, onion, zucchini and mushrooms.  Fork mashed boiled sweet potatoes w/ghee.

Supper: 6:00pm

Salmon (I misjudged how much would feed three people), mashed cauliflower and roasted sweet potatoes and rutabaga.
Fullness after eating: 8 (I went back for more roots.)


Errands and shopping.



Thursday, November 22, 2012

Day 52

I woke up before the alarm this morning for the second day in a row. Yesterday, I thought it was a fluke! But maybe, just maybe, something's going right!

Nov 21, Day 52

(Hubby on Day 3)


Lights out at 9:50. Woke up before the alarm at 6:45am. Got out of bed at 7:10am.

Total Sleep: 9 h


8:00am breakfast

½ of a two egg frittata with lots and lots of veggies (peppers, zucchini, porcini mushrooms, onion) fried in olive oil and ghee, stuffed with a handful of spinach.

I can’t believe it’s legal to eat this way—never mind healthy!

Fullness after eating: 7.5

Lunch: (no idea when, I was a parent volunteer  taking a few hundred Junior High SchoolGirls to a movie all in French.)

A couple of handfuls of cashews, raisins and one apple.

Supper: 5:00

Porkchops pan fried with onions and apples, mashed Cauliflower, boiled carrots and sweet potatoes, steamed spinach w/ghee.

Fullness after eating: 8.5


Before I left for the school, I did a 2 mile walking workout with a Leslie Sansone video. No meditation today.


Great! I was content and not at all anxious about the field trip, which surprised me. 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Day 51 Still Truckin'

Nov 20, Day 51



In bed, with the lights out at 9:30pm. Up at 7:15.

Total Sleep:  9 ¾ h


Breakfast:  8:00am

½ of a two egg frittata w/leftover shrimp stir fry heated up and mixed in. Slice of butternut squash w/ghee.


Root Soup with a handful of the most wonderful (compliant) Kielbasa in the world fried up and added to the soup. So Good!

Fullness after eating: 7.5

Snack: 4:30pm Handful of cashews and a mandarin orange

Supper 7:00pm

Cottage Flower Pie (1),  rutabaga, yams and sweet potato, steamed broccoli w/ghee

Fullness after eating: 9
I think I have been making too much food for supper! I think its because I'm worried my husband is really hungry (he did eat alot of this meal!).


Took a really short and brisk walk down the block and back again. Too cold! (-17 C)


I’m in good spirits, though I seem to have a short fuse. Oh well.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


I've had two reminders to set some goals for myself these past few days.

The first was on Robb Wolf's blog where in a post about losing weight, he talked about having a performance goal. The other was part of my daily message in the 21 Days of Meditation series by Depak Chopra. The centering message was

"Today, I embrace my potential to be, do, and have whatever I can dream."

We were encouraged to picture what it was we wanted in as much detail as we could muster.

I've really had to think about it.

As far as performance goes, I want consistent energy and stamina throughout my day. I don't want to be tired and grumpy after a day of friggin' housework, I want to feel deliciously tired after working my buns off. I want to feel strong and capable.

But I want to feel strong and capable not just physically, but emotionally, too. I want to face whatever comes my way with lightness and humour. That may seem trite, shallow or just lame--but not to someone who has ever had to wrestle with the black dog--or who lives with teenagers--am I right?

Would I like the Universe to bring me lots of money so we could live wherever we'd like in the world? Of course. Would I like the universe to bring me a few more friends? Yes.

But I'd also like the universe to give me something good so I can turn around and share it with everyone. And that has very little to do with the Universe, and everythingto do with me.

Nov 19 Day 50 for me, Day 1 for Hubby

Yes. My husband has agreed to follow the whole 30 with me. I am thrilled.

Nov 19, Day 50


Note:  For years I have had a red blotch on my face by my nose under my eye. I wear heavy glasses, so I’ve always thought it was partly related to that (and who knows what else). Today I noticed that the blotch is gone. For the first time in years and years my complexion is completely clear.


Late to bed, unfortunately. 11:15, lights out. Up at 7:15 after sleeping through the first snooze (which I enjoy).

Total sleep:  8h


Breakfast: 7:30am

1 egg frittata w/peppers, onion, zucchini and mushroom. Slice of butternut squash w/ghee.

Lunch: 1:45pm

Hamburger chili from ISWF served over raw spinach and topped w/ ½ avocado and black olives. So yummy.

Fullness after eating: 8. I actually gave some of what I’d dished out for myself to my husband.

Supper: 7:00 pm

Chicken with zucchini, tomato, onion fried in coconut oil (1), roasted sweet potato, steamed broccoli, mashed  cauliflower  (2)

Fullness after eating: 9


Yay! A Two mile walk with a Leslie Sansone video. Challenging! Then I did a small “Mobility Stretching” routine from  book I have by Joanna Hall. I’ve noticed that the biggest casualty from wrenching my back a week ago has been my flexibility, ergo, the routine. It, too, was nice and challenging. I love to move. I am so grateful to the whole30 for enabling me to lose the poundage so I can!


Pretty good. Shopping wasn’t too bad and though my husband probably thinks I fussed far too much, I managed to keep him fed on his frst day of the whole30 without too much anxiety.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Day 49: Grrrr

Nov 18, Day 49


Late to bed last night due to a small crises from the twelve year old’s point of view.  Light’s out at 11pm, up at 8:30am. I felt like I got the right amount of sleep.

Total Sleep:  9 ½ h


11:45 am Breakfast

One slice of whole 30 compliant bacon. (not shown) It was awful. ½ of a two egg frittata made with lots of onions, a mushroom and some sliced zucchini. ¼ of an acorn squash w/ghee.
3:15 Snack
 Small snack baggie of cashews and raisins. Fighting off cravings for french fries.

6:00pm Supper

Pork chop, butternut squash, steamed broccoli and carrots, Melissa Joulwen’s mashed cauliflower (1)


Lots of errands, today. I really wanted to do a work out, but I’m afraid of working out too much. (Though is a ½ hour walking workout every day “too much?” How can I tell?) I didn’t really have time anyway. I did accompany my husband on a walk with the dog after our late breakfast. No meditation. (I have a hard time getting access to the computer on weekends.)


I am in a terrible mood. I’m grouchy and talking much more loudly than I need to—and I’m irritated and angry. I have no patience, either. My husband is starting the whole 30 tomorrow and hasn’t read the book yet, (though he keeps saying he will) and I feel  like I will turn into his policewoman. I am currently his only source of knowledge about what he can and cannot have and I really didn’t want this! He eats toast with every meal! He is also on holidays this week (and we’ll be doing our Christmas shopping) and so I’ll be out of my regular routine all week—and shopping, which I hate, too. I feel like I am creating my own stress and anxiety here (and the grumpiness is just how it manifests)—but how do I not?

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Nov 17, Day 48

Nov 17, Day 48

I am doing this just before bed, so it will be brief.


10:00pm to 9:00am

Total: 11 h


11:00am Breakfast

½ of a2 egg frittata made with mushrooms and onions fried in olive oil. Roasted root veggies.
(no picture)

3:00pm Lunch

Leftover ground beef and roasted root vegetables. Some meat from soup bones. (Tasted awful)

6:30pm Supper

Shrimp stir fried with veggies


2 mile walking workout and a day spent running errands on public transportation. (Lots more walking than using the car!) oops—no meditation.


Excellent, though I am going back to see the chiropractor on Monday.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

According to Erik Davis....

Over at Skeptic North, Erik Davis has written a humorous article claiming he lost 40 pounds (in six months) doing "everything wrong." In the comments he clarifies:

I looked at the research with a skeptical eye and tried to figure out what the science said. It was surprisingly consistent given all the nonsense out there: calorie deficits are the only driver, macronutrient composition doesn’t matter, satiety management does, supplements are useless, and cognitive reinforcement strategies are really important for long term success. No magic and not really that hard most of the time, if not a ton of fun.
According to Davis, then, three things and three things only contribute to weight loss:
  1. Creating a calorie deficit.
  2. Managing satiety.
  3. Using cognitive reinforcement stategies.
I'm not going to argue with any of that. A calorie deficit does matter. How much of one? He calculated 500 calories a day to lose one pound a week. (If he lost 40 pounds in six months, though, he as losing at a faster rate than one pound a week!)
I don't believe all calories are equally equal, though.
Something I have been meaning to do for some time is calculate how many calories I need to maintain my ideal body weight with a two mile walking workout at least four times a week. Of course, once I got to maintenance, I'd have to eat even less than that to maintain the weight loss at least until my endocrine system caught up with the changes.
To manage satiety, he mentions he ate whole foods high in fibre, food which fill you up without contributing a lot of calories: so, whole foods high in fibre, foods that aren't nutritionally dense, (fruits and vegetables) and "regular hits of protein throughout the day."
I'm not entirely sure that I need to eat whole grains and legumes for fibre, though. The protein seems to be doing its job.
Sounds like a very sensible diet.
As for the cognitive management strategies, he found recording all of his food and tracking the calories to be enough. In the comments, he mentions Judith Beck--the very same person whose approach I followed the last time I lost my own forty pounds! (Before this blog.) I need to have my on copy of her book though rather than depending on the library for it!
Right now, as I am following the protocol of the whole 30, the pounds are falling off of me. I'm not entirely sure how much I've lost because I'm not supposed to get on the sale, but my yoga pants are loose. Yes. My yoga pants!
Nonetheless, I will have to "venture out" into the real world out there and continue losing weight. I am undecided about whether I'll continue eating mostly the whole 30 way or whether I'll reintroduce grains, legumes, and dairy into my daily diet. I'll have to see how I react when it comes time for reintroduction.

Nov 16, Day 47

Nov 16, Day 47


Late to bed, my nap yesterday afternoon threw things off. Read until 11:00pm. Up this morning at 7:00am.

Total: 8.0 h


9:00 Breakfast

½ can of sardines, Acorn squash and spinach.

I didn’t want to waste any food like I did yesterday, so I waited until I felt hungry. I didn’t have any physical sensations of hunger, I just started thinking about food until I couldn’t think about anything else (other than the fact that I’m cold, again.) I thought about having strawberries, but it seemed to me it would take too long to cut them up.  I also ate much more quickly, than I usually do.

Is it weird to have behavioural cues that I’m hungry—and not physical sensations?

Fullness after eating: 7

I also have a teeny bit of a runny nose. I’ve noticed that I get this sometimes after I eat,so I want to track it for a few days.

1:45 Lunch

½ pound hamburger with wilted spinach and leftover braised cabbage thrown in. Leftover roasted roots (parsnips, carrots, sweet potato, rutabaga). Once again, I shocked myself by eating a whole ½ pound of ground beef.  (I usually coulk just one pound for my family of four which includes my 15 year oldson. I don’t think I’ve been cooking enough meat for everyone!)

Fullness after eating: 8

7:00pm Supper

Completely delicious ground beef and sweet potato fried up together with onion, garlic and spices. (1) I served it over spinach. That means I ate spinach with every single meal today! I feel like a toddler on a food jag.

Fullness after eating: 8


This is funny. At 3:30, realising I only had an hour of sunlight left, I went out for a quick 15 minute walk. (Well, quick for me. Two people actually blew past me!) Once I got home, I was still feeling restless, so I did a 1 mile walking workout with “the walking lady.”  Then, my daughter asked me to walk her to her friend’s house as it was dark, so I did. Two blocks up and three blocks over and back again. Let me repeat that: Two blocks up and three blocks over and back again--with a sore back.
This is why I am doing this. I want to be able to walk my twelve year old daughter to her friend’s house on a winter’s evening in the dark. This is what it means to be healthy. This is what it means to be functional. I couldn’t do this two and half months ago. In fact, walking two blocks nearly crippled me.


Restless and anxious all day. Christmas is coming soon!  After being outdoors and having had dinner, I’m feeling mellow and pleasantly tired. Looking forward to bed.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Nov 15, Day 46

Nov 15, Day 46



Lights out last night at 10:30. I didn’t sleep that well. It was hard to wake up this morning. In fact, it will be hard to wake up from now until mid-January at least as the sun will be rising later and later. This morning it rose at 8:00am. I need to be up at 7:00am. I find it difficult to get out of bed when it’s dark.  Anyway, I was up by 7:15.

Total sleep: 8 ¾ h


8:15 Breakfast

Oddly enough, I just wasn’t interested this morning. I heated up some left over acorn squash and ate that with some ghee, but I only had a few bites of my two egg spinach frittata with green pepper, mushroom and onion fried in ghee. Black coffee.

Fullness after eating: 6

I’m not feeling all that full, really, but I am not interested in eating, not in the slightest. Odd. The only times prior to this that I was not interested in eating was when I was full.

1:15 Lunch

1/2lb ground beef fried up with red and green peppers, ½ can tomatoes, chili and cumin for spices, served over a bowl of spinach, topped with ½ avocado and sliced black olives. (The “chili” recipe in ISWF). I actually ate 1/2lb! (It was supposed to be for lunch today and tomorrow—oh well.) I ate today’s portion felt about 6.5-7 on the fullness scale, and then before I knew what was happening, I was eating tomorrows portion, cold, right out of the frying pan.
(Photo taken 1/2 way through eating my first allotted portion)

6:15 Supper

Chicken breast, roasted roots (parsnips, rutabaga, carrots, sweet potatoes), steamed green beans w/ghee, leftover roasted onion and beet salad.

Fullness: 8.5

Activity & Mood

My back was bothering me most of the day. Took the dog out around 10am for a frustrating walk (he stops and smells things about every ten steps!). Still it was sunny and I was craving the sunshine.

I took a nap around 2:30 this afternoon, I was just feeling awful, physically and there were too may stupid negative thoughts in my head. After my nap, my back felt 100% better which improved my mood considerably. I am feeling rather bored with my life, though.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Meditation Day 6: On Success

Northern Coast of California source

Three Questions:

What is your definition of success?
When I acheive something I intended to do, that is success. If I acheive something I wanted, but I didn't do it by way of intentional action, then it was a lucky accident!
What do you need in your life to make you feel more successful?
I need some challenging goals.

What would it take to accept that everything you need, want, and desire is already within you?
My happiness is within me.
My joy is within me.
My satisfaction is within me. So is my dissatisfaction!
My ability to love, to serve, to connect is within me.
My creativity is within me.

But is everything I need, want and desire already within me? 

I believe this is true--to a point. How I respond to someone's behaviour is within my control, of course, and by changing my response to another I can change how she or he will treat me. But not always. Other people are just not "within me." I'm not sure there is anything that could convince me that the above is absolutely true.

I keep seeing a little house on a sandy/rocky beach in what I imagine to be Northern California--like the picture I found via google above. I know it is entriely possible for me to go and live there someday. If it is what I want above all else, I can make it happen. All I need to do is get on a bus and go. The trick is to have that cottage and my kids graduate high school, my husband and his job which keeps us in food and clothing (not to mention, shelter!). I cannot have all I want simultaneously--I cannot have everything I want all at the same time. Hate to be a downer, but again, I don't believe there's anything that would make me believe that the satisfaction of every need, want and desire is within me--in so far as it is a true need, want or desire. That is, if I give up the dream of the cottage on the coast which is certainly within my power, then I have dissolved that desire--not satisfied it! At least, I think that's the intended meaning of the above statement. If I am merely to accept the fact that my needs, wants and desires are within me, and no where else, then, no problem, I accept that already!

The prologue to the meditation challenged me to find the "seeds of success" in the things which aren't working for me right now. That would include 1) the daily writing I've paid to do in my writing course, 2) my morning routine which keeps the house decent and 3) working on my plans for Christmas and many other things, once I sit down and think about them. As for those three things, I really don't think it's more complicated than to just do them. Start the work. Do it. Dunno. No magic solutions are occurring to me!

Day 45, Nov 14

Can I have a woot?

Look at that! 45 days of eating veggies, friuts, a few nuts, healthy fats and palm sized protein at three meals a day, every day.

No sugar
No artificial ingredients
No legumes
No grains
No dairy

Consistent energy.
More stable moods.
Strength. (some--long way to go, though!)

Nov 14, Day 45


Lights out at 10:45pm last night, got up at 7:15am. I slept well, only waking up when my husband came to bed and when he left for work.

Total: 8.5 h


8:00am Breakfast

Two egg frittata with onion, mushroom zucchini and spinach. Black coffee.

Noon Snack

A few cashews and raisins.

12:50 Lunch

Asparagus, last night’s lemon roasted chicken and MJ’s mashed cauliflower (1).

6:15pm Supper

Mel Joulwen’s Pork Carnitas (2) with braised cabbage and onion, and mashed cauliflower w/ghee.

Fullness after eating: 8.5


I spent most of the morning cleaning up the kitchen, including mopping the floor which just about did me in. Actually, it did. I spent the rest of the day reading paleo blogs on the computer. I’m going to have to see my chiropractor again tomorrow, I think. I did my meditation today, though I am woefully behind.  


Surprisingly good, given the pain in my back.